The Definition Of Cool

by Ryal

Everyone had that friend growing up that claimed to have the “coolest dad in the world.” Well, my childhood group of friends was no exception to this common-but sometimes overused – idiom of childlike banter. It’s a claim that comes into play quite often actually. Typically used by boys in an attempt to show up the rest of the pack, we all had our own claim to parental coolness. Take my early 90’s situation for example. Remes’ father was a wealthy Doctor, Dimitri’s dad looked at brains for a living, and Kris Curtis was a rock star, a title to this day I believe trumped the rest by a mile. At one time or another, each member of the pack had to stand up and define their family’s coolness. In many ways, it was a right of passage. A way to define who you were and where you came from. Your social survival – if there really was ever such a thing – hung on a thin thread, held together solely on your ability to build and protect the “definition of cool” for your father.

Well one day, without any type of aggravation or insult, our friend Jake brought an entirely new declaration to the table. A title that, I must admit, even put Kris Curtis’ reign of coolness in momentary jeopardy. Jake claimed to have the “coolest dad in the world.” Sure, we’d it all heard before. But none of us, I mean none of us were ready for what Jake was soon to declare. With a straight face, Jake told everyone that would listen that day that his father, Greg Spencer, had invented the perfect bank shot.

Reference:
For those who don’t play sports, the bank shot in a common expression in basketball that relies on a ball bouncing off the backboard and into the basket. Wikipedia explains the bank shot as commonly used for mid-ranged jump shots from an angle (usually at the elbow) and layups. The purpose of using the backboard is to try to hit the backboard from an angle, thus slowing the speed of the ball and increasing its chances of falling into the hoop. Another term for the bankshot is “off the glass.” NBA players known for using the bankshot often are Tim Duncan, Dwyane Wade, Scottie Pippen and Tony Parker.

Upon revealing his connection to a bloodline of coolness, Jake was soon met with a slew of laughter and jokes, a response that would live on for years on end. However, it now appears that Jake was right all along!

Everyone from Scottie Pippen to the average Joe on the school playground might want to think twice before now using the bank shot without Greg Spencer’s permission. Because, just yesterday, a good friend from home directed me to an article on the front page of Lansing State Journal. This article gives complete vindication to Jake and his all his years of alleged family coolness. Apparently, Greg Spencer has defied the odds, as well as all the pessimistic naysayers. Just recently, Greg Spencer was awarded with a certifiable patent on the bank shot. Believe or not, this recognition has raised the bar for coolness and has entered Jake’s dad into an entirely new realm of cool. For proof of coolness, take a look at the article yourself.

Jake, I believe we all owe you an enormous apology. So let me be the first to say I’m sorry and congratulations! The Spencers have staked their place in history. Your dad is officially one of the coolest. Not as if you needed us to tell you that though…

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1. I’m still flabergasted! This was urban legend for so long, I never expected his claim to be validated. Truly hilarious!

   
   — Brandon F    Jan 22, 08:51 AM    #

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