Today With Patty – Dec. 5, 2006

by Patty

My trip to New York City Friday all in all went well, except for my ride back to LaGuardia Airport. It is so hard to get a cab on a Friday afternoon in Midtown that I decided to use a car service this time around. Oh my God! I used Carmel Car and Limo Service. What a huge mistake! Some guy – I think his name was Osama – drove me from the offices of More magazine to the airport. Now, it was pouring rain that day. Can he come over to my side of the street to pick me up? No! He is on the other side of the street, blaring his horn and waving for me to cross the street. God forbid he should get out of the car for me.

So we leave, and this guy starts driving like a maniac. He is weaving in and out of traffic, cutting people off, screaming at people, and the whole time I am on the phone talking to Kipp, because I know no one will believe this story otherwise. Then he starts to get into it with a guy in a BMW SUV, and they begin cutting each other off, screaming at each other, cursing – it was unbelievable. What happens then is the SUV driver cuts in front of my limo, slams on his brakes, stops the car, and gets out and walks back to my limo. At this point, I decide I need to get involved. So I am instructing the limo driver that he is not to get out of the car and to lock the doors. Instead, he yells at me, rolls down the window and swears at the other driver. I am positive that this guy is going to pull out a gun and kill me. This goes on, and by the way, the driver is completely ignoring my pleading to knock it off, doing whatever he wants and trying to get us both killed. Needless to say, I was not happy. I eventually arrived at the airport alive, and I am too afraid to fight with this driver and complain, because he is obviously a wack job. My only revenge was that I did not give him a tip. Actually, I do have a tip for him – go get some Prozac and stay off the road! Of course, we will not be using this limo service ever again.

Now, why you did not hear from me yesterday was because I went for gingival grafting, which simply put means I had a gum graft on my teeth. I thought that this was a “no big deal” thing, however, I was wrong. I had every intention of driving myself home from the surgery until Kipp and the rest of the office jumped on me and made me get someone else to drive me home. I had John take me instead. Truth be told, I was awfully glad to have John with me. Let me tell you what they do – they do not knock you out, but rather they keep you awake but sort of out of it. Not nearly enough out of it for me, though. Then they stick a lot of really painful needles in your mouth to deaden it. You basically know you are really in trouble when the periodontist says, “This is going to hurt.” Then the periodontist stands on the arms of the chair, and he reaches up into the roof of your mouth and whacks out a huge chunk from the roof of the mouth. You can actually hear the cracking. Anyway, then he sews up the big gaping hole, but wait, there’s more! He then takes the big chunk of flesh and proceeds to sew it onto your jaw using again big needles and rope (well, it felt like rope). By now, you are exhausted, you are hurt, and you have had enough. You cannot talk, which in my case as you know is not a good thing, and you are given instructions that include no spitting. I tried to eat some soup last night, and it made me sick and I started coughing, and I was freaking out because that may be close to spitting. So I was thinking, “I will be fine in the morning.” However, that was not the case. I cannot take any of the pain medicine because I have to drive. Besides, you know me, I just suffer in silence. I never bring it up, I just offer it up. You Catholics out there will understand.

So today, the roof of my mouth hurts, some of the sutures from the surgery have become loose and are hanging down, kind of like if I had a hair in my mouth, and that is putting me over the edge. And I cannot begin to tell you what my pain is like. So I am taking Advil and Prednisone. The doctors told me that my jaw will probably be black and blue tomorrow, just in time for a big presentation I have to do. And I am really excited about the Prednisone kicking in, because I heard it affects your personality. So all in all, I am tired, I just want to go lay down, and I have to meet with clients today. Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?

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