Today with Patty

Today With Patty: Back To Florida

by Patty

I just returned from Orlando (my second trip in less than a week) where I attended the Enterprising Woman conference. My dear friend Monica Smiley is publisher and this will be the third year in a row that I have attended. The gala was wonderful and I was honored to receive the Enterprising Woman award. Diana Kuehn and I roomed together and she insists I did not snore. I cannot believe that but I am going with it anyway.

Speaking of Diane, our room was located about ten miles from the conference center and we would frequently walk back and forth together. Well, not actually walk, as Diane would glide and I looked like a hamster on a wheel trying to keep up with her. Her hips come to about the middle of my ears and it was everything I could do to run along side of her, panting and hacking from the exertion. Diane, of course, is all elegance, never breaks a sweat and has every hair in place. I think I just might hate her.

Travel Debacle

Okay, let me tell you how much I hate AirTran and TSA. I have had my tickets for this event for about two months and I show up at the airport two hours early for the flight. Apparently, AirTran cancelled the flight but failed to tell the ninety or so people who were booked on it, many of which were headed to a Disney cruise. The people in front of me ran down to Southwest and bought full fare tickets so they could get there on time. When it came my turn to speak to the lovely ticket agent, I was informed that they had rebooked me on a flight to go out the next day. I explained that the event I was attending was that evening so going the next day was not going to work for me. She then explained that she could get me out and into Orlando by 8:00 that evening, where I could scramble to get to the event as it was ending. I did not think that was going to work for me either. She then suggested that I head over to Southwest and buy full fare tickets and sort it all out later. I definitely thought that was not going to work for me.

Whatever Happened To Customer Service?

So, I stood my ground and ultimately they bought tickets for me and the other passengers behind me in line on the Southwest flight. So, I’m thinking “okay, I can do this, I can hustle down to the Southwest counter, get the tickets, get through security and get on the plane in a half hour.” I raced down to Southwest (which was a prelude to my little walks with Diane Kuehn) where there was no less than ten million people in line ahead of me. They ended up segregating all of the AirTran losers and processed us in record time. So, I’m thinking ‘I can do it, my troubles are over”. Well, not quite. Southwest designated me to be strip searched by TSA. Now, I have been traveling extensively my whole adult life so I understand that you have to be patient but really, the folks at TSA are power hungry, vindictive and just seem to enjoy seeing people suffer. They pull me out of line, I disrobe, take out my computer and I get patted down. Then, I have to go through a second search for some reason and I am waiting patiently while the TSA woman and the other TSA guy have a big argument while I wait. The clock is slowly ticking and I am mentally seeing the Southwest plane pull away from the gate. So I very meekly and sweetly explain that I am very late and I would so very, very, very much appreciate it if they could get me out of there.

The male turns on me and proceeds to lecture me that I should be at the airport two hours before. Again, quite humbly, I explained my circumstances and what has occurred and asked for his help. So, what does TSA do? They proceed to take as much time as they could possibly find to go through my stuff. Three other people, who had been targeted for additional screening after me, were finished before I was. And then (gasp!) they found some string cheese in my purse. Yes, you heard it here first, terrorist string cheese. I got the big lecture about that. Since when is string cheese outlawed? Didn’t know, didn’t care. Finally, I ran (yet again) and made it as the doors were closing.

Here’s the really good news: I get to fly to Tulsa tomorrow.

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